NO MORE ANIMAL PLANET!

On reflection, I shouldn’t be allowed to watch animal planet anymore.

 

Yeah, those shows that have the cute puppy and the kittens is just bait.

 

Hook, line and sinker.

 

I found myself watching the animal planet.

 

A lot.

 

And by a lot, I mean all the time.

 

And by all the time, I mean all day everyday.

 

You know…I never knew I could be paranoid about so many things.

 

I already hate the water…I hate it even more. Shark night was not educational. Neither was the special on jelly fish.

 

Ok. I take that back. It was educational. A little too educational.

 

I am not going in the ocean unless I have a body suit and a cage around me at all times…a cage that doesn’t let anything in.

 

Yeah. Apparently, a small great white, A FREAKING SMALL GREAT WHITE…A GREAT WHITE, can get in.

 

I say great white so many times because it is A FREAKING GREAT WHITE. WHAT THE HELL?!!

 

A SMALL ONE IS PRETTY FUCKIN HUGE!

 

…I am never visiting Missouri again. Brown recluse.. *shudders*, if I want necrotic flesh I will…well, I don’t know what I will do but not that.

 

I am paranoid about snakes. I mean, I didn’t mind the damned things before. Kind of like my friendship with spiders.

 

I don’t mind them

 

As long as they are not on me.

 

Ps: have you ever seen a shark jump? Yeah…they can do that. Didn’t know that did you?

 

But anyways, as long as they aren’t on me. Or by me. Ok, the second part is for the snakes.

 

Snakes on a mother fucking plane was entertaining because, well 1) Samuel L. Jackson is the real Chuck Norris.  Ok, the black Chuck Norris….but better. And 2) the snakes were on the mother fucking plane. Not by me.

 

Point being: I don’t have a venomous snake right next to me

 

One that can make my digits swell and look like rotten bratwurst.

 

Did you know that snake venom can digest your skin from the inside out? I DIDN’T! not pretty.

 

Ewww…I think there was liquefied tissue and some blood oozing our of a  few pores. Yah, those tiny things.

 

And to think I laughed and scoffed at someone’s fear of lady bugs…mehhahdfyyayyaya….

 

I am staying  inside.

 

With hairspray

 

You know, cause I am a girl like that.

 

Got to spray everything.

 

Though that one time with the wasp worked.

 

Ewww…please put the sunglasses back on. No one wants to see a face mauled by a grizzly bear.

 

Serisouly, his eyes popped out. Both orbitals were shattered. The front of this guy’s face was completely torn off and shattered..

 

Another guy was mauled by a shark. Not bit, practically mauled. You can see his kidneys. His legs were down the throat.

 

Yeah, definitely avoiding the ocean….

 

I do not think I will be able to sleep with out thinking that anything is a spider bite… or there is a snake in the bed… or that the room will flood. Mew?