Hide Your Kittens...

So that thing we call updating?

2009-06-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

We have both decided that we are lazy. snorlax is moving back to her blogs on her myspace page. while the lovely cubone will eventually pursue that creative writing thing.

bye yall

Camping

2009-05-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

I know we have been absent for a while.

Snorlax is busy.

And Cubone is always ill.

well, so are you snorlax.

yeah, but at least im still being creepy.

oh yeah. please stop telling me about licking diseased kittens in the right kind of way.

but it was funny.

no...no it lead to the thought about how it could be the right kind of way.

so camping?

ah yes. Our lovely white roommates decided to drag us to the wilderness.

we think they are trying to kill us.

they even had a machete

we were defenseless and therefore forced into going.

it wasnt that bad.

they did the mysterious white person dance around the fire pit with their feet.

that was horrifying

and the lovely kid from Louisiana lit our food on fire....several times

Cancer is the best type of flavoring

it's what i always wanted

definitely didnt know that we would become the only thing holding our tent down at night cause of the high winds.

you at least didnt have a raccoon scratching at your face the whole night.

is that why your mouth is foaming

yeah. tried to hide it as long as i could.

Cubone got lucky.

Wait, whose turn is it?

I dont remember.

oh, ok, well Someone who isnt snorlax decided to be a smart kid and avoid the 'bathrooms'.

these "bathrooms" are simply a shit covered whole in the floor with mice and insects dancing around at the bottom.

at least you didnt shine a flashlight down it.

that was your own fault.

i was curious.

likely story.

aw, you know i love you like explosive diarrhea. you make the walls all colorful.

STOP IT! i live with your creepy ass, lets leave the weird ways you love me out of this.

but..but..

NO! ill bring up bound prince pictures again!

...*shudders* ....he peed on his face....and people liked it....

so, camping. the toilets where not really toilets.

we think they were just the epitome of white people.

all shit covered and white lined.

:3.

then Snorlax made another bad choice. she went hiking.....with white people.

seriously, i'm surprised nobody took one of my kidneys.

it wasnt even that sharp.

but some rocks were. But ne who, anyone who goes camping in NM knows its not really camping.

no, it's simply a test to deal with your love of dust and rocks.

and wind.

and random cactus bits on the ground

sometimes buried in the dirt.

lying in wait...until you sit on them.

at least the blasting of disney music was fitting.

i was scared.

oh come on...the mulan song was cute. ^^

i wanted to curb stomp something. it was too...disney.

Snorlax hates disney.

well, duh. Disney is full of furries.

hey, they need love too.

no, no they dont. They need to be beaten down with metal sticks.

they might like that.

im trying not to think about it. But disney, they are made of furries.

We aren't joking.

Look at Lion King

Or Robin Hood

Or Fox and the Hound

Or The Aristocats (which is racist. )

Or Bob Saget's rendition of the Aristocrat joke.

That doesn't Count.

No, but it was funny.

True.

See, we do have a point.

Unlike most times.

Disney is trying to corrupt kids into being attracted to animals.

Who is nala's father?

Probably Mufasa.

Who is Simba's father?

Mother Fuckin Mufasa.

Disney is also promoting INCEST!!

MMMM...siblings were never so easy.

We aren't even going near Fox & the Hound.

Instead, we will leave you with this nice picture..:

Sometimes, We Pee a LIttle When We Laugh

2009-04-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

occasionally, stupid things happen to your dear snorlax.

there was the time that i went to school and underwear was stuck to my book-bag. No, not sexy panties but your mother brightly colored grannie panties.

there was a day when the crotch was completely gone from a pair of pants and yours truly, didn't even notice until she got home...

I still think the time i had a marilyn monroe moment was quite hilarious, especially cause i flashed the whole school.

I once was so drunk i vomited in front of the bathrooms of my dormitory and no one told me it was me. well, they did, but it was a week later.

I just seemed to be followed by bad luck.

like ants covering my front porch to the point i cannot go to work

or a rabbit eating my uniform.

i just dont agree with the world, i seem to be its indigestion.

there is a point. eventually. i swear. besides this horribly incorrect series of 'sentences.

recently a electric toothbrush was in my book bag

how is a long story.

i simply forgot it was there

so i walked all over campus..

with something vibrating in my book bag.

yeah, people didnt flash to toothbrush

i didnt notice it until my spanish class.

where the teacher pointed it out to me

yeah, im pretty oblivious to things lately

i blame that natural hair coming in

stupid blonde hair

soooo, nothing like breaking the ice in a class with having to explain that its a toothbrush

especially when you didnt know what it was and tore apart your bag to find the mysterious object

or finding out you are allergic to lavender when you are drinking some, and your tongue goes numb.

yeah, im smart....real intelligent.

Oh, You, Still trying to be good eh?

2009-04-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am lazy.

With a side of sick.

And some zombie fear, which has awakened some deeply buried hatred.

Oh yes, I am not going to be nice today. I don't think you would be if idiots were moving their gabbing their maws in the most annoying fashion.

Why, Snorlax, what ever do you mean?

Code Geass

You know, I am not huge on Anime, but I live in a house where the president of Anime Club resides. Yes, nerdy, but informative. It doesn't take an anime freak to notice that this sad excuse of brain melting anime is not worth watching. It's not even worth knowing,

I feel like my IQ has dropped to the dangerous zone of retardation just because I sat through four episodes. Thats right, I only watched four episodes, and even I, the slow kid, know what the hell this show is, and that my friends, is beyond sad.

Without a doubt, A midget who is both blind and deaf could draw the conclusion that this show is a Trollop. Thats right, You dirty dirty STROMPET!

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion is a mecha animu noted for its clever and original plot. It became the the cancer of anime for the whole summer of 2008.

And sadly, the kemo just wont get rid of it. Its the Kieth Richards of the anime world, IT JUST WONT DIE!

The show started with the idea of writing and producing what would eventually become a new anime that would include innovative and brand-new elements never seen before in the genre:

giant robots, large-scale military invasions, heaps upon heaps of still-attractive bishie corpses and more tits than aPlayboy shoot.

Despite having killer-cool giant rollerskate-wearing mecha, which are clearly more effective than tanks and other conventional weapons, and lots of female military officers with e-size tits, Britannia is still just a bunch of British Francophone Nazis, who want to take over the world and do what Hitler would have done had he lived on.

The pitiful main characeter, Lelouch Lamperouge is the repulsively unlikable main character -- a pretentious bitch who lives his life in the lap of luxury, surrounded by beautiful women whom he has absolutely no attraction to.

Apparently this not enough for the spoiled aristocratic cunt, so for the sake of the plot he one day wakes up with a terrible case of butthurt over the way the Japanese people are being treated.

oh no, Japan is being suppressed by Britania, I must change this because it is wrong, We aren't china!

Yeah, anyone else notice that too?

It's funny how Lulu doesn't even fuckin notice that Britannia is doing practically everything that Japan did to China during WWII, just with out robots that have skates.

Lulu, then does what any self respecting citizen would do, join a resistance. Of course, this is even fucked over by that useless green haired character that mysteriously gives him superpowers called " Geass ".

I would have been fine if CC never showed up again. But no, i had to learn her name, the idiotic whore who is akin to vaginal sandpaper. Seriously i would rather sandpaper my genitalia then deal with half the useless tripe in this show.

Things get needlessly complicated when it turns he's the son of the Emperor of Britannia himself, and oh my god, where you surprised? I wasn't.

The whole, " I am your father syndrome" is the most predictable bowl of toxic waste since Pam Anderson was created. Oh, she is older than Star Wars. Here, we believe that the government made her after Marilyn Monroe died, but had problems running her then just gave up after realizing that nothing is going to escape that black hole she calls a vagina.

BUT surprise surprise! Lulu decides to go against is father's evil political state. I really wanted to know if there was going to be some talking bears and maybe Harrison Ford.

His fiancé is Suzaku Kururugi, a green-eyed, brown-haired Azn(because clearly Azns always have green eyes and brown hair) who has decided to join the Britannians because he firmly believes in his childhood ideals. Although the two are engaged to be married, they only fight when they're inside their Mechs because they don't know they're actually not enemies...kinda like another anime you may have seen.

Lelouch declares himself the defender of justice, assuming the name "Zero" which is oddly reminiscent to Zorro, but instead this one fails. It's a Beta version after all. After creating the most original name in existence, the black knights, a form of a terrorist vigilante group, he starts to fight back against his own nation.

During the course of the show (and again, for no particular reason), Lulu finds his awesomely hot sister Euphemia, who professes a pressing need for white and fluffy storyline development. Lulu objects, but after being offered to get into her sister's panties (no, srsly, there's that one episode where he says his sis was his first love) he readily reconsiders.

The two of them gather a whole lot of people in a closed stadium surrounded by armed military men -- always anauspicious start for creating a "white and fluffy world." While there, Euphemia asks Lulu to go to a dark backroom, where he does something to set her off (i was to busy being interested in something else) She grabs herself a gun and starts to party down like a pro.

Lulu, in order to hide that he made such a colossal error, kills her, causing yet another needless character death.

The season then ends in mass chaos.

ok, thank god, its over, but wait, NO!

The creators got together and Smoked some CRACK!

Actually, the did Heroin. ALL THE TIME!

It was already clear for the viewers that this continuation would be a bigass trainwreck from the get-go when a new lead character,Rolo, was introduced.

It didn't take a geniusto figure out this asshole would prove to be the improbable animu version ofScrappy-Doo -- a younger, stupider, uglier, infinitely more annoying version of the main character.

Things could only go downhill from there: the continuity of the entire fucking show is totally ignored, so that the first seven episodes were made by following the same damn scenario as the first season, leavingthe viewers to wonder whether this new incarnation of Code Geass will be a similar disappointment as Higurashi

There is then a new cast of characters, WHAT THE HELL? YOU MEAN I HAVE TO KNOW THESE PEOPLE? THIS IS ONLY THE THIRD EPISODE I HAVE WATCHED!

Later on, Rolo takes Lelouch to the Wonderland of Joy and dies from the divine punishment of using the Za Warudo move that was way too cool for him.

Lelouch suddenly battles against a floating Jupiter-like thing on the ceiling that came from a hidden dimension in his basement.

By this point, no one who watched the show knew what the fuck was going on.

Lelouch finds himself in a world turned upside down, so now he's in control of the bad guy's side half of the world, fighting against the good guys.

Theoretically the show could have spiraled even further out of control, but luckily it didn't, because shortly thereafter the show then meets an unexpectedly simple ending, and everybody lives happily ever after.

So we move past the show, and look closer at the episodes.

Apparently the people that made Code Geass thought it a bright idea to make every episode end the same way and despite what many with common sense would readily figure out, all the loyal fans still took the bait. At the end of each episode, one or more of these totally unpredicted happenings occur:

Good guy becomes bad guy
Bad buy becomes good guy
Unexpected truth is revealed
One of the main characters dies
Somebody turns out to actually not be dead, even after getting a nuke dropped on them. Obviously, they had a ready supply of refrigerators and Indiana Jones instructing them.

If the repetition of episodes wasnt enough, there is the opening sequences. Like most bad animu, Code Geass had way to many. I honestly think they were trying to compete with how much dick the average sorority girl has in her mouth, but then again, i could be wrong. They may have been competing with kittens.

FLOW - COLOURS

~~huge, booming, epic anthem that impresses nobody because it clearly tries way too fucking hard~~

JIBUN WOOOOOOOOO~

Jinn - "Raion"

A Japanese girl shrieking into a microphone in a failed effort to "sing", ending up sounding more like the audio to someweird porno with a Japanese girl shrieking into a microphone while scraping her vagina with sandpaper.

access - "Hitomi no Tsubasa"

Mind-melting, ultra-hyper explosion of glittery, super-saccharine J-Techno from the people that brought you the soundtrack to Gravitation. Listening to it will make the world seem sparkly and wonderful.

Im pretty sure by now, you are asking your self, Snorlax, haven't i seen this shit before?

and i would have to say, why Yes, yes you have.

After watching a few episodes, you'll get this strange feeling of déjà vu. You see, this plot was originally played out on Death Note which failed, and before that in Final Fantasy Tactics, which sucked more than the last two combined.

The main difference between Code Geass and Death Note is that the latter is about creepy emo kids, while the former is about significantly-less-creepy-and-emo terrorist and Fascist kids -- although both contain the seemingly mandatory overload of delicious Japanese homolust.

The similarities to Final Fantasy Tactics make the blatant plagarism even more blatant: Lelouche is a noble who wants to overthrow the system by working outside it (like Ramza) and Suzaku is a lower-class born kiss-ass who wants to overthrow the system by working inside it (like Delita).

Both contain and equal amount of tiresomely ambiguous homosexual situations, as if Shounen Jump and Square Enix(respectively) needed any more of that.

To make matters worse (or better, in case you hate this show) Rolo's special attack is actually a stolen version of Za Warudo, which came from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, a manga that, kind of like Code Geass, arbitrarily became the gayest thing in the world.

YOU LOVE US! YOU REALLY LOVE US!

2009-03-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, we do feel loved!

sarah! you should just shush!

Exactly.

If I want to talk to myself because Cubone is lazy, then I will.

But I'll drop the pretense.

Cubone is in LA. You know, that retarded cousin of Arkansas that we all know about but dont say anything because they might get offended.

So here I am. In Hialeah.

I just wanted to say, that we are back. Well, I am. Cubone updates sometimes, but it is mostly me, on my lonesome. Poor snorlax.

Oh, The, cake is that way. *points to ABQ*

We shall talk more when Both of use arrive back in ABQ

NO MORE ANIMAL PLANET!

2009-03-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

On reflection, I shouldn’t be allowed to watch animal planet anymore.

Yeah, those shows that have the cute puppy and the kittens is just bait.

Hook, line and sinker.

I found myself watching the animal planet.

A lot.

And by a lot, I mean all the time.

And by all the time, I mean all day everyday.

You know…I never knew I could be paranoid about so many things.

I already hate the water…I hate it even more. Shark night was not educational. Neither was the special on jelly fish.

Ok. I take that back. It was educational. A little too educational.

I am not going in the ocean unless I have a body suit and a cage around me at all times…a cage that doesn’t let anything in.

Yeah. Apparently, a small great white, A FREAKING SMALL GREAT WHITE…A GREAT WHITE, can get in.

I say great white so many times because it is A FREAKING GREAT WHITE. WHAT THE HELL?!!

A SMALL ONE IS PRETTY FUCKIN HUGE!

…I am never visiting Missouri again. Brown recluse.. *shudders*, if I want necrotic flesh I will…well, I don’t know what I will do but not that.

I am paranoid about snakes. I mean, I didn’t mind the damned things before. Kind of like my friendship with spiders.

I don’t mind them

As long as they are not on me.

Ps: have you ever seen a shark jump? Yeah…they can do that. Didn’t know that did you?

But anyways, as long as they aren’t on me. Or by me. Ok, the second part is for the snakes.

Snakes on a mother fucking plane was entertaining because, well 1) Samuel L. Jackson is the real Chuck Norris. Ok, the black Chuck Norris….but better. And 2) the snakes were on the mother fucking plane. Not by me.

Point being: I don’t have a venomous snake right next to me

One that can make my digits swell and look like rotten bratwurst.

Did you know that snake venom can digest your skin from the inside out? I DIDN’T! not pretty.

Ewww…I think there was liquefied tissue and some blood oozing our of a few pores. Yah, those tiny things.

And to think I laughed and scoffed at someone’s fear of lady bugs…mehhahdfyyayyaya….

I am staying inside.

With hairspray

You know, cause I am a girl like that.

Got to spray everything.

Though that one time with the wasp worked.

Ewww…please put the sunglasses back on. No one wants to see a face mauled by a grizzly bear.

Serisouly, his eyes popped out. Both orbitals were shattered. The front of this guy’s face was completely torn off and shattered..

Another guy was mauled by a shark. Not bit, practically mauled. You can see his kidneys. His legs were down the throat.

Yeah, definitely avoiding the ocean….

I do not think I will be able to sleep with out thinking that anything is a spider bite… or there is a snake in the bed… or that the room will flood. Mew?

Oh dear

2009-03-02T16:55:00.000-08:00

Beloved Readers...as in us and our small following who never comment. Yeah, you...make us feel like we are loved.

lets see you try and be funny while still having a life

and being almost crippled

seriously, some of us have to be carried to the couch.

sadly, we must admit that once again, we do have lives.

these lives have depleted the funny amount of material that we can vomit on command. You think Snorlax wanted to write yesterday?

yeah, that even took a few bottles of motivation. In retrospect, it may have not been that motivating.

but onwards!

you like that word way to much.

your words mean nothing to me.

your face means nothing to me.

Ouch. i'm hurt.

we said we weren't upper casing anything!

i forgot.

likely story

but anyway, we do have a point.

yes, yes we do.

what was it.

im not to sure. but make it quick i got homework

oh yeah.

our point is that we have lives

yes, lives that involve college

and boyfriends

is that what the Louisiana kid is?

you're doing it again.

oh, sorry.

at least im not dating a twinkie.

hey, just cause he is yellow on the out side and....oooo...i dont like you. stop making fun of people ethnicities.

We have lives.

hey!

well, you did it, i thought i could too.

more specifically, we have midterms.

midterms that don't like us.

yes.

ok. the cake calls us.

yes. the cake.

mmmmm....cake

LOVE US!!!

The Real-Life Superhero

2009-03-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

In my slightly inebriated state, I am fully prepared to state that this is not going to be that nice towards the superhero.

Let me first introduce the FAQ from their WEBSITE! Oh noes, they are organized and on the web! Quick 4-chan track them down so we can throw them in the loon!

Read this

The whole idea of a person...and everyday person dressing up in a well crafted costume to fight crime and perform good deeds is ridiculous.

You want to do good deeds. VOLUNTEER.

I don't care if you have a paper bag over your head because that acne looks mighty close to popping into the soup. You dont need a costume to pretend like you are good, that is like making a sorority girl not look like a whore. Eventually the truth comes out.

I swear, there was a point to that. That point is....I need another beer.

You know why macs are awesome? They have an awesome read line that underlines things when you misspell them...so even a few beers in...I don't look like a...you ready for this? ....a Puerto Rican.

Also Macs are racist.

At the border of NM and AZ there is the Green hornet..no wait, im sorry, the Green Scorpion.

See? the Guinness makes me not care...good beer...so cold and foamy and...bubbly.

The Green Scorpion is a great example of these insane people who do not understand the concept of volunteer work or police work. Ohhh! I'm going to wear a ridiculous costume, spending around $1500 (seriously...he spent $1500 on a fucking costume) and parade around the town. I'm a crime fighter, Ask me how!

After the Green Scorpion there is the lovely website

I remember these people. Didn't they play role playing games? They say it isn't a role playing game but....IT IS! You are playing the part of a super hero but failing. There is no radioactive spider to bite you, You are not rich, and WHAT THE HELL?

When confronted with all of these things, I am eerily reminded of WATCHMEN. You know what I mean if you have read it.

If you don't, a fiery shame on you...SHAAME.

oh...Cubone is home and is glaring at me. She doesn't approve.......

No, no I don't. I agree, they are idiots who fail to realize that what they are doing is not only ridiculous but can be accomplished in much better ways.

yeah..that

The Kittens Have Struck Back!

2009-02-24T22:24:00.000-08:00

This is a urgent update....URGENT I TELL YOU!

DROP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING AND READ THIS! NO, NOT YOU, GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN WOMAN. YOU HAVE NO OPINION!

fellow readers, prepare yourselves.

are you sitting down?

The kittens....oh the horror, the Kittens have struck back!

It is almost as horrible as when the empire did it, but its kittens!

CLICK HERE!

See?!! Almost the same! Nobody liked it, they just pretended to so they could satisfy those fans that cannot reach the same nerdy potential of Star Trek fans (We do not support trekkies...Cubone does not support trekkies). We don't make the rules! We simply enforce with Foils and Bicycles. Seriously, have you ever picked up a bike and hit someone's car with it? Very satisfying and point proving. As in, don't hit me with your car you asshole...

Cubone would like to take this moment and tell Snorlax to calm down. We all know that drivers in most towns are horrid and follow the rules all the time. No point in getting mad about that hit.

Snorlax would like to take this moment and back hand Cubone for making this out to be minor. Two cars failed to stop at stop signs and Hit her and the damned bike. Her precious frame is all...scuffed.

Cubone would like to take this moment to point out that it was one car that slightly hit you and the second one that almost hit you.

Snorlax would like to take this moment to point out that both cars just drove around after incidents and kept going. Though point, they did stop in time to not cause any serious damage to the bike.

Cubone would like to take this moment to bring out creepy Legolas...as a distraction.

Snorlax would like to take this moment to say that she understands and would appreciate it if you got rid of him. Put it back in the window....it's staring at me....

Onwards!

Oh wait...did we have a point?

Yes, yes we did.

What was it?

I.................................

See.

No, I don't see...I am a Cyborg, but it's alright!!

But your hair does not have blue roots...and those fingers don't shoot bullets.

It doesn't matter. I still am.

Right, and I am dessarto.

*shock* are you Really? Can I join your club?

Yes, now kittens!

Oh. Right. Kittens. Protect your butts people! This is a serious Issue.

I...I am just sooo...traumatized that I just don't know what to do with you.

Am I like a lobster?

NO!

But I run into the bathroom whenever we have a tiff.

Stop It.

What time is it in France?

No, you aren't going there.

I need a watch--

--Silence--

Stop quoting movies.

Here...this will make you feel better.

That made it worse.

I know. ^_^

See, it's not just us!

2009-02-23T11:31:00.001-08:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

See, bunnies do it too!

This proves that kitten rape is hilarious

Gingers are wrong

2009-02-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

Cubone: What's up with the Ginger Porn Pic?

Snorlax: that was from your collection Cubone..i thought you might enjoy that

Cubone: Bitch, all my porn is amputees.

Snorlax:....its a ginger, his brain has been amputated

Cubone: But all my porn is limbs amputated, and everyone knows Gingers regrow any parts cut off LIKE MOTHAFUCKIN STARFISH.

Snorlax:...well, then its a good thing that this is a special edition of ginger kids, its peg legged ron

Snorlax: he is incapable of re-growing limbs

Cubone: HE SO CAN REGROW LIMBS I SHOULD KNOW I CUT HIS ARMS OFF WHEN YOU HAD HIM IN YOUR BASEMENT SO YOU COULD MOLEST HIM. AND THEY GREW BACK, SEE? Or he has the fake arm Johnny has in Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

Snorlax: fake arm, i duck taped it on

Cubone: So you admit you molested him....armless= sexy, so I forgive you.

Snorlax: i thought you might like a ginger amputee to go with your collection so i just got him ready for you

Cubone: Kthxbai!

Snorlax: np, his arms detach so feel free to enjoy the arm hole

Cubone: Win! I'ma pluck me out an eye too. SKULLFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

in retrospect, this conversation may be the reason why our roommates hate us.

Onwards!!!

Through the ages retardation has been a huge problem. Whereas most societies put their retarded babies in a sack filled with bricks to dispose of in the nearest river, the civilized West tries to integrate the less-abled. This has turned into a problem with the greatest form of retardation, Gingervitis.

Ginger hair serves as a warning to everyone that the person inflicted with it should not be trusted, and anyone with it should be avoided at all costs.

Gingers are the closest living relatives to vampires today. In fact, in the past, people often killed Gingers because their skin color did not allow them to go outside whilst the sun was up. This is a very similar disability to the trait vampires possess - which is why you can see how many people got confused. Of course, Gingers aren't really vampires, they are just retards.

Gingers are also known as Gingas, Ginga Ninja, Fire nuts, Fire Crotch, Nightwalkers, rangas or the politically correct term, redheads.

Now how do you spot a ginger? Well this really isn't hard thanks to their glowing heads. But there are 2 different types of ginger, and it is important to know how to distinguish between the two. The first type of ginger is your regular type, the one you see out only on very dull days - or if it is sunny they will have their skin completely covered. They have bright orange hair (as do all of them) along with freckles on their faces, but their skin is also a very pale white meaning they are unable to go out in sunlight as it burns them (like a vampire LOL11!!) The other type of ginger is nearly identical, but it has a normal skin tone allowing it to come out into the sunlight without protection" this sub-species of gingers are called "Daywalkers". I also believe that all gingers have freckles all over their bodies but no-one knows for sure. You see, no-one have never seen a ginger without their clothes on, seeing as how they are retards and never wash.

Gingers can be divided into different types or class. The Joker - Like fat bitches, these gingers attempt to be funny their whole life to make up for their disability. In reality, everyone knows the only thing that makes people laugh is their appearance.

Famous Joker Ginger: Conan O'Brien.

The Emo - These gingers usually try to dye their hair black, but due to the intense heat of the hair - this usually fails and becomes scorched around the edges. Emo Gingers are generally no different from regular emos, except they have more to whine and cut about.

Famous Emo Ginger: That retard from Harry Potter.

The Stud/Chav Ginger - Usually bleaches the repulsive hair to blend in with peers. Unfortunately for them this results in what gingers-in-denial claim "Strawberry Blond" isn't. This class may also become a hybrid with The Joker in a futile effort to "fit in" - This is of course impossible...everybody hates gingers, and no normal person could get turned on over that repulsive skin.

Famous Stud Ginger: Ronald McDonald.

The LaxKing - The Gingers are really timid inside but have a hard outer-shell, both physically and psychologically. They tend to participate in really manly sports and beat up on everyone, completely unprovoked.

Famous LaxKing Ginger: Paul Scholes.

The Furry - Like to dress up as popular browser-logos in daily life.

Famous Furry Ginger: Lindsay Lohan.

You may think this doesn't matter, but gingers have no soul, their burning hair is their life force, if it goes out a ginger will die! This is why you see most of them with hats on to protect the hair should it rain! Secondly they do not have sex as they reproduce 'A' sexually, thankfully for them as I cannot imagine that anyone would want to sleep with them anyway and risk having their face burned!

Gingers do not live in regular houses like normal people, rather they all dwell in dry caves on hillsides and mountains much like bats. You can spot a ginger habitat by the bright orange glow coming from it! Never enter a ginger habitat, the effect of looking directly at so many fire heads would be equivalent to looking directly at the sun through a magnifying glass on the brightest day of the year, your eyes and face will be permanently burned and you will be blinded! It is also a proven fact that all gingers have yellow teeth, because, like their hair and pubic regions, their teeth are also ginger.

All Gingers hail to the same god. His name is Gingeus Christ. This religion, also known as Gingerism, started at the dawn of time, when Gingeus created the first ginger man and woman to corrupt the human race. To the right is an image of the Ginger God himself.

98% of Goths are actually Ginger. Due to a lazy hair dying routine, most Goths end up with what is known as a “Ginger Halo”. Their emotional state switches between Goth and Vampire; they are so laid back that they seem to be in a coma or they explode into fits of unholy rages. In areas that they are passionate about; they are geniuses yet often don’t know what day it is. For example Boudicca, the most ferocious Vampire Queen, defeated the Roman armies yet failed to seize the Roman Empire and went home poor.

They are the retarded indigenous people of the UK, Ireland and Brittany and yet have no protection against Ginger racism or land rights. Once a Ginger always a ginger, contrary to prior beliefs.

Gingers are not all bad as they often gather in small groups and eat Pikeys. The Blade series was written about a ginger, but was changed last Thursday by a Jew-troll. Ginger, as it has been recently found out, is an anagram for a certain word. Luckily, we will not have to worry about Gingers for much longer, as scientists claim they will be extinct in less than 100 years. This news article also goes on to say that 40% of people in Scotland are Gingers. Sounds like a good place to nuke from orbit, just to be sure Most of the world says Gin-ger, like the drink. However, in the natural environment of Gingerkind - the terminally inbred United Kingdom, it's pronounced Ging-er, like Ping. This is because the ginger is actually cockney rhyming slang for minger, the English term for fugly.

On a more personal not, do the world a favor and fuck a ginger kid up. If you do find yourself in the horrible situation of having to tolerate a ginger in an odd semblance of friendship here is a helpful explinaition

if you are white:

'heywwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaa' <= not the correct response

' Well, you see, like all white people I am a hypocrite and all things I do are inherently right.'

Any other ethnicity:

Claim ignorance. If that doesn't work explain they help you look white, even if they are retarded. Worse comes to worse:

¡¿QUE?! No entiendo que Usted están hablando. Lo siento.

We found a new kitten

2009-01-26T14:59:00.000-08:00

Obviously we haven't updated in a long while. Well dear readers, let me explain why: we actually have a life.

I know right?

We try to deny it as much as possible but sometimes it filters thru the cracks of...um...marmalade?

Yeah...I went there.

Let me address some things though...

First of all, I know bout ya'll but I'm pretty sure we covered sea kittens before anyone else did. See, that post we did way back then..yeah that was sea kittens. If you don't remember here is a nice little bed time story to read to your children...

Scared? Slightly enraged? That is why you eat more sea kittens.

On a side note this is what Cubone has been up to no good playing around with the friar..

Second things second, college has started back up so instead of spoiling the one or two readers we have (us), we no long will. Yep, that's right readers! You are spoiled people who think we can crap out insanity like an dog that has been eating Mexican food. We don't work that way.

Thirdly: We are making a stand. All of you should join us. You know that kid in class that everyone hates? Yeah, shut them down, make them feel insecure and then taunt them about it.Destroying self-esteem is a great way to end the day...or start it...or just kind of enrich it.

So for now, the lovley duo wishes you a nice time...

ps: we forgot about the poll....

Lost in translation

2009-01-26T10:24:00.000-08:00

La Idoma es muy importante

Mi nombre es Snorlax. Soy de Cerulean city. Me trasladé a Pallet town dos años para la universidad y la amo aquí. He estudiado el español por seis años pero no hablo la lengua bien. Tan si tardamudeo o le miro siempre en blanco, no es porque no le entiendo, sino que no puedo encontrar simplemente las palabras para una respuesta. Deseo aprender español porque mis abuelos hablan español. Mi abuela es de España y mi abuelo es de Cuba. Mi abuelo habla inglés pero se ha olvidado de mucha de la lengua. Gozo de caminatas largas en la playa… ninguna yo estoy bromeando. De hecho odio la playa. Tengo realmente miedo del tiburón. Miedo del tiburón consolidado por mi abuelo. El sol no tiene gusto de mi piel. Se quema me, así que me fuerzan parecer una criatura de la película del horror. A veces. ¿Vea que cómo hice eso? ¿Sí eso? Acabo de conseguir el apartado de la introducción entonces decidido al ataque del tiburón le con cosas al azar. Sí. Eso sucede a veces. Ahora usted me conoce.

snorlax del amor.

y la translacion:

My name is Snorlax. I am of Cerulean city. I moved to Pallet town years ago for the university and the master here. I have studied the Spanish by six years but I do not speak the good language. If so tardamudeo or I always watch to him in target, it is not because I do not understand to him, but I cannot simply find the words for an answer. Desire to learn Spanish because my grandparents speak Spanish. My grandmother is of Spain and my grandfathers are of Cuba. My grandfathers speak English but he has forgotten much of the language. Joy of long long walks in the beach… no I am joking. In fact hatred the beach. I am really scared of the shark. Fear of the shark consolidated by my grandfathers. The sun does not have taste of my skin. Burning fire me, so they force to me to seem a creature of the film of the horror. Sometimes. It sees that how I did that? Yes that? I finish at random obtaining the section of the introduction then decided to the attack of the shark him with things. Yes. That happens sometimes. Now you know me.

Poll Question Answered With Question.

2008-12-25T16:05:00.000-08:00

Well, you fuckers voted, and now we have to follow up. This is Cubone, all winter season festive-like, reporting on your last decision on the poll. Although it was close, the winner was:

Neglectful Destructive of Property equals... where the hell is San Juan and what happened to my mailbox?

Well, well, well. Looks like this post will need to do a bit of explaining. We'll break the question down into two.

Firstly, where the hell is San Juan? Well, we could be talking about Argentina, Chile, Columbia, Costa Rica, the Dominican Republic, like 11 different places in Mexico, Nicaragua, Peru, Spain, Venezuela, or, hell, even Cuba, though I can't see why anyone would want to. If you are a God-fearing, gun-totin', mother-fuckin' America, you may prefer to talk about New Mexico, Colorado, Utah, Washington, Texas, or Florida. But no. Fuck that. There is a better San Juan out there.

San Juan is the capital of the most perfect Island on Earth, if my Island you mean anything ever, and Earth you mean that one planet we're on or something. San Juan is the baddest capital of Puerto Rico, obvsiously- a magical island where everything is amazing, candy rains from the skies, kittens roam the street corners at night, Gingers are banned and beaten, and I, wonderful Cubone, reign as badass royalty, cos, you know, I'm Puerto Rican. Yes, sure, I was born in Ohio and sure look like a honky, but I ain't. Soy Boricua, mothafucka, so you best back down.

In any case, that's where San Juan is. One of those places, but Puerto Rico is the most important.

Also, it is the name of a beer and a card game.

Both of those are very refreshing.

On the the second half of the question: what happened to my mailbox? Ahahaha... well, that one is a funny story. A story I'm sure our lawyer will be willing to discuss with yours in court, if by lawyer I mean Snorlax, and by court I mean fuck you.

URGENT UPDATE!

2008-12-10T11:01:00.001-08:00

This is an urgent update from the lovely Cubone and Snorlax.

Today we found out something…something that everyone should be warned of:

You see that weasel like animal that seems all cute and furry over there in the corner? Yeah, that one.

It’s evil.

Not just any evil, but the kind of evil that comes out of accidently rapping a puppy instead of a kitten, yeah Cubone made that mistake once, we just don’t talk about it.

This evil animal that is worse than the spawn of peta is called a ferret. Yes everyone, a ferret. Some think that ferrets are all cute and snuggle but no, they are the epitome of all things evil and satanic.

Ok, well not satanic because according to us, satan is a cute bunny. Don’t believe us? Just click here: o_O

The ferrets have stolen the evilness of satan and have become the spawn of all things wrong. They created the scariest thing of all also...they made gingers.

I know, we cried a little too when we discovered this sordid fact. Gingers were just wrong before but now we know the truth of their evilness.

Ferrets are responsible for many things. In fact chances are that anything going wrong in your life has a ferret behind the curtain workings its evil magic.

Ferrets made cloverfield.

Ferrets wrote, made, and stared in twilight.

Ferrets created the jonas brothers

Ferrets kill kittens.

See, proof that ferrets are universally evil. Now some people may not believe us, but let me tell you, our word is about as close to jesus as your gonna get...so not even close. But still, we are always epically right

So believe us when we tell you that ferrets are evil.

If you own a ferret glare at it daily in a shameful manor so it may feel bad. Sneak kitten pictures into its cage, if it eats it, dont let it near your kitten! This is proof it will devour it

The natural enemy of a ferret is a bunny, if you find yourself cornered because you didn’t listen to our words of wisdom and thought we were being silly, find a bunny. If you cant find on, just throw a kitten and runaway, we will forgive you for sacrificing the kitten if you rape another in its place.

evil ness

we sincerely thank the artist rimfrost for her mcmorbid comic.

Poll again

2008-12-07T20:18:00.001-08:00

Okay, so Cubone and I have been a little MIA. We fully blame this on life and motivation. It isn’t that we don’t love our dear readers, but merely the fact that both of our computers despise us. Yeah, Cubone’s screen doesn’t work to well and dell just sucks. However, we must move onward my furry, but not disturbingly furry ginger friends!

So onward!

First things first, the decision of the poll:

Kitten declawing is hilarious because they walk funny afterwards, the little freaks.

This was your decision with three votes two the other runners up which included the unethical aspects of declawing and Kitten S&M.

We both fully agree because when you have a kitten, nothing is better than eating a bowl of popcorn and laughing as the kitten stumbles into various things such as walls, stairs, feet, furniture, and or doors. Honestly, the fact that they cannot bend their leg below the knee joint makes it funny but the wayward movement of a drunken hobo makes all the more spectacular. Hence the popcorn.

Second things second:

We can’t think of anything secondly so just tune in next time.

Sea Kittens Poll

2008-11-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

The Result are in And you decided........!!!

So if your cant already tell from the lovely picture, you have all decided that Sea Kittens should be buttered up and fried into nice and tasty treats, and I for one completely agree. Nothing tastes better than a fish brutally taken from its environment. Those tears just make it all that much more sweeter, actually I don't even know if fish cry, they probably don't but it would be awesome if they cried for we all know that tears are just natures tenderizer, after all how could veal be so tasty....mmmm....baby cow *drools*.

Some of you may think I am being sarcastic, and really I am not. Sea kittens are fucking fish, peta is just a bunch of crazy creepy gingers (the creepy is needed even though I adamantly hate ginger kids with the same passion of the kkk, I will admit that they aren't that bad...gingers not the kkk, no we don't approve of the kkk at all, they are worse than gingers actually because we all know that the kkk is just a bunch of inbred white folks who don't understand the concept of not fucking their siblings. I purposely lowercased that by the way, it's my way of failing to follow grammatical rules because I don't like them) discouraging fishing, mistreatment, eating, sexual abuse, mental harm, or verbal assault of fish.

"Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You've done enough damage, buddy. We've got it from here. And we're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?"

Yeah, see that quote? That is from peta and they just royally fucked themselves up the taint by naming fish 'sea kittens' because now I just want to eat more of them. Technically, they should be included in the rape category as well because they are kittens, but me and Cubone (yes its Snorlax....or is it?) are ignoring the kitten name in this creature for two reasons: 1. Sea kittens aren't naturally born kittens and therefore unless the fish undergoes a species change thanks to plastic surgery,which by the way would be creepy, we wont rape it. 2. We don't rape food. That's the only line we have and we haven't watched enough Michael Jackson videos to push us past that line. I know, I was surprised that we had limits.

So for those of you who said 'fry up the fish I'm ready' then we are applaud you, because while peta is fucking crazy, fish are wonderful when battered, buttered, and fried.

Cubone adds: For the record, there is a restaurant in Asia (forgot what country) where you decide what farm animal you want, fuck it, and have it served up all fancy-like for dinner. Snorlax and I have not been there, but we are having a Michael Jackson music video marathon tonight, so we'll see what the future holds.

And now our version of the middle finger to PETA:

Cubone also adds: I was in PETA in highschool. I was a vegan for a while, but mostly a vegetarian for years. Then I grew a brain, quit PETA, and eventually my stomach punched me in the face with the gospel of bacon. You live, you learn.

We arent that fucked up

2008-11-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

Like two girls one cup, this is some serious shit. Wrong in so many ways.

This is Snorlax checking in with the support of Cubone here, and I would like to make something very very clear. We here at Horrible Intentions aka Hide Your Kittens... would like to make the announcement that while we are disturbed in the way that is extremely amusing and slightly wrong, we are not to the point of injecting heroin into our eyeballs nor willingly (or forcefully) subjecting ourselves to the perturbing world of the furry kind.

When I say furry I don’t mean the cute and fluffy animals that we joke about raping nor your neighbor’s dog frank, which by the way be hairless due to that experiment with the hairspray, I mean after all, how where you supposed to know that hairspray was flammable? No my friends, I mean the people who are out to ruin the fun of wearing costumes for the purpose of sexual acts for everyone. I mean those kids that are raised by Disney cartoons showing animals having love affairs or play the Mutant Ninja Turtles Game to the point of mental morphing. You know the people I mean. You see them in their fursuits (a requirement that every furry eventually makes) which has the use of only participating in disturbing sexual acts while wearing them, because they cant find a subculture that hasn’t rejected them, even scene kids of the emo world won’t take them.

Furries like gingers are just a terrible malfunction of society. They claim that their sexual fantasy of being boned (no Cubone, I didn’t say your name) by person in cat/fox/bunny/bat/Pikachu/dog/horse/pig ears and or tail and or full body suit/paint is not a sexual fetish, yet we all know that this is a flat out lie. Seriously, the claim that they don’t have sex in these outfits which holds as much truth as ovinophobia not being funny, I personally found this out. Well I didn’t don a suit on and get boinked by a furry, that would have just been wrong..no I did something much worse…I went to google. Due to my unsuitable curiosity I am not only crying in horror (as are my fellow roommates) I am going to plant the seed of curiosity (no pun intended)…: www.fursuitsex.com

Did you go? Yeah, pretty much my reaction..unless you were turned on them shame on you! Get of this blog, we don’t condone your actions! Wearing cat ears on your head occasionally does not make you a furry, refusing to fornicate without sporting your cat ears is a clear sign that you are a furry.

So here is some advice if you run into a furry.

1. Avoid furry conventions for they are orgies..and they are held in any odd number room.

2. If you want to confuse a furry throw some human culture in their face, for all furries fail to understand it since they would rather live with animals.

3. Furries come in groups, if you see a suit with hair, run…(again, no pun intended)

4. To kill a furry, just drag them away from the furnternet for five minutes, their brain will implode, that is if their brain hasn’t already been killed.

Denied

2008-11-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

Neopets is prejudiced against kitten rape. How could this happen? We just wanted to play some games, man. Don't bother looking up KittenRapeAnonymous on Neopets, people. They hate us.

FROZEN in less than five minutes.

Soul Kittens

2008-11-21T12:34:00.000-08:00

Soul Kitten's going for the Face

Howdy, folks. These are your wonderful bloggeresses, Snorlax y Cubone ch-ch-ch-checking in. Above we have a lovely Soul Kitten- no, no, no; not a kitten with a soul or delicious southern style roasted kitten. Soulimous kitimus, or 'devourer of souls'. Of course, everyone knows that kittens don't have souls (it is what makes them positively rapeable!), so they will try to steal yours. Once a kitten has safely acquired thine soul, he will demand three wishes from you. You can't grant wishes, can you? Of course not. You're not a freakin' leprechaun! Unless you are, in which case you shouldn't be reading this site, ya ginger.

To make sure that the kitten doesn't grab your soul, or to get it back while the little bugger is asleep, rape is eminent. Everyone knows that a kitten keeps all of it's goods deep inside of it, so you best get to humping it out. No one's gonna judge you for kitten rape then- that bastard done got yo' soul! Of course you needed to jam it in! You need that soul to play jazz music and do shitty performance art! Without a soul, what the hell are you gonna do? Play Sudoku, and not rape kittens? Fuck no. Just fuck no. FUCK. NO.

In short, if you see a kitten like this going for the face, turn that fucker around and give it to him, hard. He had it coming. We all saw.

Let's pretend you want to know us

2008-11-20T13:09:00.000-08:00

GiGi before the accident...thanks Snorlax

Hey, I just got a little over-eager...

As the kittens seem to have hidden from us for the moment, we are going to take the time to possibly introduce ourselves in the most confusing manner possible. First off, let's just say that we, your internet hostesses, are no more than two (2) internet-type girl (hint: THERE ARE NO REAL GIRLS ON THE INTERNET). In fact, lets pretend we are gingers, since all of the online mankind knows that there is no such thing as gingers, and we will simply caress our one legged cat, Gigi. He hasn't managed to acquire his freedom as of yet, and he shant until he correctly memorizes his tap routine. It's PAW-PAW-PEG, you idiot! Of course, as the world's only One Legged Tap Dancing Rapeable Pirate Role-Playing kitten, he is fitted with peg legs for dancing and dancing alone. How did Gigi lose his legs? Well, I love lovely snorlax digested them after a rape day...is that too far? We aren't quite sure, but onward my friend, onward!

Now, pretend for a moment that we truly were two hispanic-type internet-savvy female humanoids with unnatural hair and natural noses. What would we, seemingly perfect, popular, and obviously talented girls, be doing having a blog about kitten rape? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'D BE DOING. Raping kittens.

Cubone has brought up a valid point, for besides raping kittens, we have other hobbies..such as bacon and who know this could be Snorlax pretending to be Cubone or Cubone pretending to be Snorlax...or Snorlax pretending to be Snorlax but failing because she isnt really Snorlax but actually Cubone in a Snorlax jumpsuit. Which reminds me, My dearest Cubone, did you just make fun of the Jewish population? or doest my eyes deceive me?

Well, Snorlax, you racist son of a turkey, you're eyes deceived. That was a crack at Bev. Hills. If I made fun of Jews, which I wouldn't, I'd say something horrid about the Holocaust. ... What, too soon for jokes?

We already have set up a room and have catalogues of kittens, I think its too late for us to worry about making jokes about the Holocaust. I'll also have you know, my ethnic kitten rape pokemon comrade, that my mother is indeed a breed of fowl with her many chins that appear to devour all in sight. Alas, we are deterred from the topic of introducing ourselves...We the lovely and more superior Snorlax and slightly less superior Cubone (please don't eat my face dearest, i didn't mean it), are trying to introduce ourselves....

True that, MothaFucka. But now there is a more important issue at hand. Your mom is hispanic. She's a Catholic, hispanic MOTHER, which means that we are going to get our asses kicked by your mother's mother's intuition. I think we should make like a kitten and hide.

Your point is quite valid, but must I remind you that your mother is also Hispanic. Another Catholic, hispanic MOTHER who will be after us...right behind the lovley people of PETA...so I think we really don't have much of a chance unless we can throw kittens and aborted fetuses at them. Unless we find some stone babies....*contemplatively strokes hispanic mustache because Snorlax is hispanic and all of us have mustaches*....

Sigh. Every Thursday... Well, you grab the bucket and the catapult, and I'll pick up the feather boas and soundtrack to Hawaii 5-0. We'll meet at the Sushi Bar near midnight. Hasta.

Only if we can find a replacement for Gigi's sand paper tongue..after all we used her last one up on that one thing...i dont care what that kitten doctor says! there must be more!

Alas, loyal nonexistent readers, we must wish you a farewell and hope to confuse you some other time.

Hide Your Kittens...

2008-11-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

Tell me, my fellow kitten-rapey friends, what is so horrible about Kitten Rape? Why must we, who merely love kittens a little more than average, carry this stigma with us? We are no different from those who love dogs, or those who love interior decorating! We only let our love transcend to a newer level.

KITTEN RAPISTS, HOLD YOUR KITTENS UP WITH PRIDE. NO LONGER WILL WE REMAIN IN THE SHADOWS. OUR LOVE OF KITTENS WILL BE HEARD AS GOOD NEWS- THE NEWEST GOSPEL SPREAD AROUND THE WORLD.

We're still anonymous, though. We're Kitten Rapists, not crazy.

::No kittens were harmed in the making of this blog. They were totally consenting.::